"It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger than the previous record." — John Blasik

This was compiled from different postings to rec.humor.

Hmmm, by the way, did you know that 1 is *not* prime ?

Well, this problem has different solutions whether you are a:

- Mathematician:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and by induction we have that all the odd integers are prime.
- Physicist:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an experimental error...
- Engineer:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime...
- Chemist:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime... hey, let's publish!
- Modern physicist using renormalization:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 9/3 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is ... 15/3 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime, 21 is ... 21/3 is prime...
- Quantum Physicist:
- All numbers are equally prime and non-prime until observed.
- Professor:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.
- Confused Undergraduate:
- Let p be any prime number larger than 2. Then p is not divisible by 2, so p is odd. QED
- Measure nontheorist:
- There are exactly as many odd numbers as primes (Euclid, Cantor), and exactly one even prime (namely 2), so there must be exactly one odd nonprime (namely 1).
- Cosmologist:
- 3 is prime, yes it is true....
- Computer Scientist:
- 10 is prime, 11 is prime, 101 is prime...
- Programmer:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be fixed in the next release, ...
- C programmer:
- 03 is prime, 05 is prime, 07 is prime, 09 is really 011 which everyone knows is prime, ...
- BASIC programmer:
- What's a prime?
- COBOL programmer:
- What's an odd number?
- Windows programmer:
- 3 is prime. Wait...
- Mac programmer:
- Now why would anyone want to know about that? That's not user friendly. You don't worry about it, we'll take care of it for you.
- Bill Gates:
- 1. No one will ever need any more than 3.
- ZX-81 Computer Programmer:
- 3 is prime, Out of Memory.
- Pentium owner:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 8.9999978 is prime...
- GNU programmer:
- % prime
- Unix programmer:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, ...
- Computer programmer:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is prime, 9 is ...
- Coming soon:
- 3 is a prime, 4 is a feature, 5 is a prime, 6 is a feature, 7 is a prime, 8 is not yet implemented, 9 is our backwards compatibility module, ...
- Computational linguist:
- 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime, ...
- Software tech support operator:
- Well, we haven't had any reports of composite odd numbers... do you have the latest version of ZFC?
- Minesweeper addict
- 1 is green, 2 is blue, 3 is orange, 4 is red...
- Logician:
- Hypothesis: All odd numbers are prime
- If a proof exists, then the hypothesis must be true
- The proof exists; you're reading it now.
- Linguist:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 aaah. I can make 9 a prime.
- Philosopher:
- Why don't we just call all the odd numbers prime and call all the prime numbers odd, that way all the odd numbers would be prime
- Philosopher (2):
- 3 is prime. Hum, that's an interesting statement, I'll get one of my research students to look into that.
- Economist:
- Assume 9 is prime...
- Economist (2):
- 2 is a prime, 4 is a prime.
- Economist (3):
- 2 is even, 4 is even, 6 is even...
- Economist (4):
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is not prime. Look, the prime rate is dropping.
- Statistician:
- 100% of the sample 5, 13, 37, 41 and 53 is prime, so all odd numbers must be prime.
- Mechanical Statistician:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is an outlier, 11 is prime, 13 is prime...
- English major:
- What's a prime number ?
- Politician:
- What's a number ?
- Politician (2):
- It depends on what the meaning of
*is*is. - Philosophy major:
- What is ?
- Athletic scholarship:
- What !?
- Mid-level manager:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... Who can I delegate this to ?
- Lawyer:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, although there appears to be prima facie evidence that 9 is not prime, there exists substantial precedent to indicate that nine should be considered prime. The following brief presents the case for nine's primeness ...
- Salesman:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and with 9 you get five excellent primes for the price of three !
- Anthropologist:
- Prime or not, every number is unique. Take 9 for example...
- Liberal:
- The fact that nine is not prime indicates a deprived cultural environment which can only be remedied by a federally funded cultural enrichment program.
- Bush:
- What's nine got against being prime? I'll bet it won't allow the pledge of allegiance to be said in our schools either.
- Nixon:
- Put nine on the enemies list. I'm gonna get that number.
- New Yorker:
- 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!
- rec.humor poster:
- 3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime, 3 is prime

*Left*: The Ishango bones, maybe the first compilation of prime numbers ever.

prime: you must specify exactly one of the r, c, t, x, or d options

For more information, type "prime --help''

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is ... 3 is ...

3 is not prime, 5 is not prime, 7 is not prime, 9 is not prime...

3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is a feature, 11 is prime...

"You know what seems odd to me ? Numbers that aren't divisible by two." — Michael Wolf.

"I don't get even, I get odder."